*facepalm* (aka Camelot)
Apr. 11th, 2011 03:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ariadnes_stringSo, I don't have too many hours to myself on the weekends, and yet I somehow managed to spend one of those hours watching an episode of Starz's new Camelot. Has anyone else done this? I wouldn't recommend it, though it did make me gape and chortle at the screen a few times.
I can't really say much about the plot. I watched the first episode, and then immediately forgot all the details. Then, since I figured this wasn't the kind of thing one needed to watch linearly, I just plunged into the latest one over the weekend.
The reasons to watch it have nothing to do with their Arthur and Guenevere--who seem to have been cast solely for their skills in the sack. Arthur has the good looks of a feral fifteen-year-old, but the skinniest arms ever to wield a sword in Dark Ages Britain, and manages to look at all times as if he'd rather be enjoying a quick shag and cigarette 'round the back alley of Camelot rather than, say, forging a nation. And Guenevere seems to be a terrible actress, but she does look good naked on a beach.
No, the reason to watch it, if one was going to, is all about Eva Green (spectacularly beautiful) and Joseph Fiennes (spectacularly bald) chewing up the scenery as Morgan and Merlin.
Here are some things that happened in the episode I watched:
*Morgan has Arthur and Merlin over to her castle for dinner. No. Really. For a while it looks like she was going to seduce Arthur, as per canon, but in the end she just perchs on his bed and steals some of his blood with her special ring. As one does.
Then, she drugs Merlin and dry-humps him on the furs in front of her fire for a while, before chaining him to her bed and indulging her personal hygiene kink by clipping his toenails. Well, okay, the last bit is probably for some nefarious magical purpose. But all the same. Close-ups of toenails. On my screen.
*Meanwhile, Guenevere loses her virginity to Arthur on the beach. (Yes, they fuck with canon on this front). But because she's scheduled to marry someone else that very evening, she's worried that her new husband will be able tell that she's no longer a virgin. Luckily enough, they come upon a newly killed deer on their way back to the castle, and the resourceful not-a-maiden-anymore whips out a wine flask and drains some of the deer's arterial blood into it, which she skillfully dribbles on the marriage bed later.
O_0
A couple of new characters were introduced in this episode.
First, Kay (who is a doll) and Leontes (the man who marries Guenevere) ride out to recruit Gwaine to Arthur's side. And for a while, I was like "yay! maybe Eoin Macken will liven up this show like he did for Merlin." But no, their Gwaine is an illiterate cynic who lives in an abandoned monastery. BUT, he develops an instant massive man-crush on Kay when he realizes Kay can read, and follows him back to Camelot on Kay's promise to teach him too. (this is the sweetest bit in the whole episode).
And, more awesomely, there is Vivian--who is gorgeous, and sports elaborate facial tattoos.
"Why do you have those?" says Morgan.
"The Romans brought my ancestors here as slaves, and we still follow the customs of our people," says Vivian.
Okay, whatever, because: gorgeous. I hope they follow the bit of canon where Vivian seduces Merlin.
Will I watch more? I dunno--H50 is coming back--I don't know if I'll have the time. It was awful, but supremely undemanding, and kind of a hoot.
I can't really say much about the plot. I watched the first episode, and then immediately forgot all the details. Then, since I figured this wasn't the kind of thing one needed to watch linearly, I just plunged into the latest one over the weekend.
The reasons to watch it have nothing to do with their Arthur and Guenevere--who seem to have been cast solely for their skills in the sack. Arthur has the good looks of a feral fifteen-year-old, but the skinniest arms ever to wield a sword in Dark Ages Britain, and manages to look at all times as if he'd rather be enjoying a quick shag and cigarette 'round the back alley of Camelot rather than, say, forging a nation. And Guenevere seems to be a terrible actress, but she does look good naked on a beach.
No, the reason to watch it, if one was going to, is all about Eva Green (spectacularly beautiful) and Joseph Fiennes (spectacularly bald) chewing up the scenery as Morgan and Merlin.
Here are some things that happened in the episode I watched:
*Morgan has Arthur and Merlin over to her castle for dinner. No. Really. For a while it looks like she was going to seduce Arthur, as per canon, but in the end she just perchs on his bed and steals some of his blood with her special ring. As one does.
Then, she drugs Merlin and dry-humps him on the furs in front of her fire for a while, before chaining him to her bed and indulging her personal hygiene kink by clipping his toenails. Well, okay, the last bit is probably for some nefarious magical purpose. But all the same. Close-ups of toenails. On my screen.
*Meanwhile, Guenevere loses her virginity to Arthur on the beach. (Yes, they fuck with canon on this front). But because she's scheduled to marry someone else that very evening, she's worried that her new husband will be able tell that she's no longer a virgin. Luckily enough, they come upon a newly killed deer on their way back to the castle, and the resourceful not-a-maiden-anymore whips out a wine flask and drains some of the deer's arterial blood into it, which she skillfully dribbles on the marriage bed later.
O_0
A couple of new characters were introduced in this episode.
First, Kay (who is a doll) and Leontes (the man who marries Guenevere) ride out to recruit Gwaine to Arthur's side. And for a while, I was like "yay! maybe Eoin Macken will liven up this show like he did for Merlin." But no, their Gwaine is an illiterate cynic who lives in an abandoned monastery. BUT, he develops an instant massive man-crush on Kay when he realizes Kay can read, and follows him back to Camelot on Kay's promise to teach him too. (this is the sweetest bit in the whole episode).
And, more awesomely, there is Vivian--who is gorgeous, and sports elaborate facial tattoos.
"Why do you have those?" says Morgan.
"The Romans brought my ancestors here as slaves, and we still follow the customs of our people," says Vivian.
Okay, whatever, because: gorgeous. I hope they follow the bit of canon where Vivian seduces Merlin.
Will I watch more? I dunno--H50 is coming back--I don't know if I'll have the time. It was awful, but supremely undemanding, and kind of a hoot.
